Websites are devoted to the wisdom and wit of the character that was made famous by actor George Wendt. Yet, I remember the first time I heard that quote about beer nuts and women, and I was confused. Wasn't the saying supposed to be, "Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em!" Norm's situation with his wife Vera was one of convenience it was evident on the show. After all Vera worked for a living, and Norm was constantly between jobs and hung out at a bar all day (with a large tab at that). It was Norm, really, who was probably difficult to live with.
No, it's understanding women.
Here's the thing: women are complex. There's no one way we live our lives. We rule by our emotions, and perhaps maybe make more decisions of the heart or by consensus, rather than cold, calculated moves. Yet, when women are "cold and calculated," they are known as "ice queens." When men are business-like and driven, they are just being "men." Having worked in fast-paced corporate environment, I've seen all those stereotypes in play, and I have to admit, I might be just as guilty stereotyping myself.
I was reading an article on Forbes the other day about working women myths. I had to laugh because while I've borne witness to most of these, fact is because women are so multifaceted -- we can be mothers, sisters, daughters, wives, caretakers, taskers, gatherers, etc -- that it's hard to pigeonhole us.
And boy, does that piss people off.
Women can't show emotion at work because they will be classified as too high strung and therefore, are a breakdown away from going on long-term medical leave. Yet, if they don't show emotion, they are trying too hard to be like men. How can it be both ways?
Business is treated as a boys club in some industries. So women have to wear two hats: be one of the "boys" and still try to play peacemaker in whatever deal they are trying to work out. I remember Samantha Jones in Sex and the City, when she was trying to broker a deal being the head of PR for a chain of hotels. The man she had to pitch her business to suggested she work with someone else -- a man -- because he didn't think she could handle the work herself. Later, he told her he wouldn't hire because she slept with his architect. How did a woman's sex life get involved in a hiring decision? When she told him if she were a man, they'd be celebrating over martinis. After she stormed out, he hired her for admiring her "balls." How about, not apologizing for herself and standing her ground because she knew she was best for the job? Of course, this was all fictionalized, but you see my point. It makes me wonder how many women might be turned down for pitched business because of their outside reputation.
Think about it: women are vilified when they are not flowery pieces of sunshine, being refreshed and wholesome when their husbands come home for the day. Being a woman, I think that a male-dominated society will only be happy when we are back IN the kitchen, because then...they've figured us out! And by "they," I mean society. Men aren't just hard on women, women are equally hard on our own gender, as I illustrated several months ago. Hell, I went to an all-women's college and I'm still trying to figure us out! And by "us," I mean "me!"
You may get the idea that I'm some kind of angry female writer, but I'm really not. I am very proud to be a woman. I may write stuff to figure things out for me, but at the root of it all, I think it's great that women are complex creatures and have the ability to multitask and make decisions thoughtfully. In fact, I attended a Women on Wall Street event where a woman who owned one of the first women-owned-and-operated trading exchange said, "The financial crisis in 2008 would not have happened if women were making the decisions." I thought it was very telling that a woman in her late 70s would say that, especially one so close to the industry. Just an example of something that I remember the difference in women and business.
Fifty-plus years since the feminist revolution, it's still quite a radical notion that women can conduct business, be mothers, be wives, write about sports or music, operate a vehicle, cook meals, and the list can go on and on. Norm Peterson may have preferred beer nuts to living with his wife. Perhaps he should have invited her to Cheers a few times and try to understand her. But then again, she was too busy working, running the household and fixing her car to go out with him anyway.
The woman in her 70's who spoke up at the Women on Wall Street event was able to do so because she IS in her 70's. Age brings freedom to speak. I was part of that movement in the 70's. Maybe it hasn't changed much.
ReplyDelete