I tend to hold total strangers in higher regard than others. There are some folks with whom I can be emotionally attached, but if a stranger behaves poorly, I just blow it off. I am neither disappointed nor surprised. Friends or family, though, that is a different story. They behave poorly, I am willing to cut them off immediately. I know this is something that is hardly unique to me, but perhaps I feel like I've become more easily disappointed as years go on, but more willing to cut someone out because of poor behavior.
I know these attitudes are nothing new like the list of human behaviors I've listed above. I feel as though things are more amplified in this day and age, because of the advent of social media tools, where we are more connected to each other than ever.
We hear about "deleting" or "unfollowing" people on different media, but the word substitution connotes the same idea: that we're cutting people out of our lives. Sometimes it's warranted. As an example, my husband interacted with a fellow who was disrespectful to me on several occasions. I won't go into specifics, but it wasn't cool and at the end of the day, this person wasn't someone who my husband was emotionally invested with so it was an easy "delete."
But what about the folks we do have an emotional investment in? My networks have certainly expanded as a result of social media tools, but this also increases the number of people with whom I have an attachment. This does not mean I have a gajillion more people I hang out, but there are generally more people I care about their wellbeing and what happens to them for sure. That said, behaviors and perceived sleights are amplified.
Take for example, the "birthday." There's no hidden meaning there, it's just the day of your birth. It's one of the identifying characteristics we have on most of our social profiles, most notable Facebook. And on the day of your birth, all your "friends," first degree or otherwise, come out of the woodwork to wish you well in your rotation around the sun!
How many of these people would send you a card, text, email or call you that day? If you're anything like me, a majority of these folks you didn't even know till these outlets were mainstream. But how many of us take an emotional inventory of those who did or did not wish you well in the upcoming year? We all do it, and it may take a step in determining who stays or who goes in the cleansing process we then commence after our birthdays.
This has happened to me recently. I became friends with someone as met through a mutual friend in real life (and not virtually...though our "virtual" friendship came later on). This was a person who spent a majority of her day on Facebook, yet would never answer her texts or calls at times. It was very selective. And though I had seen her a few days before my birthday last year (which was, I'll admit, simply a coincidence because she had moved away and normally she would not have been here), I did not get a birthday greeting on my wall.
Now, in the grand scheme of things, a birthday wish isn't the be-all end-all. Sometimes there are circumstances outside of social media that may contribute. On the flip side though when said "offender" has about a dozen updates during the day, they can find 20 seconds to send you a greeting.
That wasn't the only thing weighing in, but I took offense to that greatly. Now, at the root of it, clearly my issues weren't only about the perceived birthday snub. Yet, I feel like when someone deletes you with no reason or prior establishment, this is the ultimate diss, the biggest snub of them all.
I later found out through mutual friends that this person was going through a great deal and she was going through a very rough time. I felt, then, that it was I who was being the petty one, the snubber, and felt very guilty about it.
Chances are, if social media did not exist, I may not have had that uncomfortable "reaching out" to do after I heard some terrible news about her family.
I've been on the receiving end, believe me. I recently had a discussion with a friend of mine whom I lost touch with over the course of a year where I told her I refused to get involved in social media "wars" because I can be more effective arguing in person or providing a devil's advocate point of view outside of it.
As much good as social media has done in the past few years, it's also amplified a lot of harm and misunderstandings and infighting.
A few years ago, a few of my girlfriends (or my guy friends' wives) started having babies. As a rule of thumb, I started sending care packages of baby items -- onesies, wipes, diapers, butt paste -- fun and practical stuff for my friends' foray into parenthood. Yet, ask me if I send them all birthday cards or individualized birthday greetings on Facebook, and probably my answer wouldn't always be 100% "yes."
But I still send "thinking of you" gifts and think of real life as my litmus test for being a good person and my behavior on networks is an extension of who I am. Yet when we're more connected than ever, there's a layer of potentially overdoing it, under-doing things or even making grudges more evident. Think about it: there is always that person whom you know you have to go the "extra mile" for, but there's always someone who will be okay with whatever you do. This can happen in familial or friendship situations.
It happens in real life, but I think behaviors are amplified more with social media.
No comments:
Post a Comment