The Passion of the Teenager

Since when have teenagers (or "tweens" for that matter) become so influential?

Most don't work.  As far as consumerism goes, they are at the mercy of their parents or guardians for stimulating the economy, with allowances and all that jazz.  Years ago, my mother worked for a company that did tween and teen focused makeup lines.  It was seriously one of her biggest sellers.

Teens set the trends, and I'm baffled as to why and how.  Yet it seems the next bastion of teen influence is going to be in social media. 

Seems to them the almighty Facebook has jumped the proverbial shark. 

(Of course, I'm showing my age by using that reference.  But that's besides the point.)

I've gotten older and crankier as time has gone on, but I have to say I agree with them.  I'm on my second Facebook detox of this year, and I have to say, I am not eager to get back.  Quite frankly, it's been too distracting.  Sure, I can just not log in, and no one in any way is forcing me to stare blankly at my iPad, and comment on my friends' pictures.  But if I don't have the temptation, I won't go on.  And it's been great! 

According to research done in previous years, Facebook was the king of all social media to teens, Twitter was behind.  With the advent of Instagram, and almost it's instant gratification to a degree, Twitter has emerged as a more popular medium.  I can get behind that, I suppose.  Instant gratification is easy to understand. 

Yet, there's a simple reason why teens are flocking to these alternatives to Facebook: expression.

“Teens who used sites like Twitter and Instagram reported feeling like they could better express themselves on these platforms, where they felt freed from the social expectations and constraints of Facebook,” the (Pew Research) report said.

It's hard enough being a teenager these days what with peer pressure, school stress and feeling like living in fish bowl.  Facebook can be too much of a good thing, expression-wise and getting noticed.  For a culture that thrives on ADD activity like Twitter, Facebook may be too slow of an instant gratification process. 

Expression is something else to consider.  I had a lot to say, but really no outlets when I was a teen.  I don't know if Facebook would have been good for someone like me when I was a teenager.  But getting a constant flow of info, like Twitter or visual like Instagram. 

There's also the element of hobbies and activities.  Sites like Tumblr, Twitter or Instagram can be easily customized to get tailored info for what interests you - the true definition of user-generated news. 

So what is the real issue at hand?  Are teens really that influential?  Or is their leaving Facebook an epidemic?  It could be, because it seems that what made Facebook unique and special isn't so much anymore.  I often said that when Facebook was new, it was great.  Then it grew, and it's more of a sounding platform of businesses and a place to share memes.  We could go elsewhere for that.  There seems to be a gravitational pull of mini-sites to take away what we like about Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and make that the focus.  I like the photos and info sharing.  I can keep in touch with my friends in other ways. 

Facebook used to be one giant distraction.  In 2013, there are multiple elements to distract us.  That's the ADD culture I am used to. 

Buck Tradition

I was talking about the holiday season experience from when I was a kid the other day.  I always felt they were a little "forced," especially from my mother who would go overboard with the commercial aspect of things (I was an only child, so whatever).  We'd have a big Christmas tree, but I always remembered dreading Christmas Eve.  The reason being was that my dad used the holidays as an excuse to drink into oblivion. 

Of course, I thought this was the case when I got older, but my parents had split up by the time I was a teenager.  Yet, my mother still went a little on the Martha Stewart-contrived side.  I grew up with a devout Roman Catholic family, yet the holidays were kinda like meh.  Mom always went out of her way to decorate, but she couldn't care less about having people over or anything like that.  Grandma kinda did it to keep the kids entertained, but I don't think she derived any joy from it. 

It wasn't until I was in my twenties that I found out that my grandfather (my mom's dad) attempted suicide right around Thanksgiving when my mother was almost five.  My mom was separated from her family while my grandfather recovered, and she always kind of felt like she had to overdo it for me.  I guess it made sense.

You'd think we'd have had some special memories, since it was just her and me for a long time.  However, I don't.  We are not close.  It takes a lot for me to admit that.  We just aren't.  She's also been in a long term relationship with a man who has a huge family (nieces and nephews), and his family has a big tradition.  Mom still decorates, but mostly, it's for show.  She feels like she has to.

This could be the second year in a row that my husband and I may not visit my family for Christmas Day.  And that's okay.  We do our own thing.  What's more, is that I have not seen my family for several years going for Thanksgiving either.  It's not that they are far.  It's just that my husband and I do our own thing for it.  Traveling five hours total when everyone else is, on a day off, to spend four maybe five hours tops only to come back isn't that attractive to me.  Plus, my husband has to work the day after the holiday.  It makes sense for us to stay close. 

When I worked on Wall Street, I was in a relationship most of those years.  Some of the years, I had the day off Friday.  Some of them, I had to work (albeit remotely).  The markets don't close, so financially related businesses usually have to operate.  We would usually do our thing with his family, and it was fun.  After we split, I used to do something with my cousin when I had to work the day after. 

Truth be told, I miss those days.  He made the bird, I made the sides, and we had a shitload of leftovers.  Then he moved away, and I moved to the city.  Then I got married.

I've run the gamut of being nonchalant about the holiday season, to really looking forward to it.  Mostly, because my husband and I are nontraditional, so we have a nontraditional tradition  And that's the way I like it.

So my coblogger and I were talking about what our families do during the holiday season, especially with Thanksgiving and the idea of Black Friday.  I didn't really understand what the big deal is if she goes shopping with her mother at the late sales.  She's far from the only person who does it, of course. I worked in markets.  Trust me, if they didn't make money, they wouldn't be open. 

I started thinking, though, about stupid little traditions that my husband and I have done. We are child-free, and plan to stay that way for a long time. Our families are not close by (his relocated to Puerto Rico years ago, and we'd have to travel several hours on a holiday to see mine, when he has to work early the next day).  This is what we do.  We wake up early to go to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade (we see it from the staging area where not many people are, believe it or not).  We watch movies afterwards.  Then we go to our favorite Cajun restaurant, where our favorite bartender (whose family is in Missouri) works.  We've sort of adopted each other. 

That, to me, is family.   That, to me, is tradition.  Keep in mind, there are no instruction manuals on how to have a Thanksgiving dinner.  Heck, I think that went out the window there was a vegetarian family celebrating here.  Here's an idea: make your own tradition.  And buck others.

One year, my mom and her boyfriend spent a few days in Florida to celebrate Christmas with his family.  I didn't go with them, so I tried to volunteer at a shelter.  I was turned away.  I guess some people wanted to get some charity points around the holidays.  I never knew that volunteers could be turned away simply because there were too many.  So I went to my dad's event, where he played Christmas carols and other goodies on his guitar at a senior assisted living center.  Then I went home and ate brownies, because I had given up sex for desserts (true story, just like Miranda on Sex & The City). This was also the year after a bad breakup. 

I often say you can't choose who you are related to, but you can choose your family.  I think in this day and age, if a mother and daughter would like to go shopping and look forward to hot chocolate after spending the day indoors together, so what?  My aunt stopped hosting Thanksgiving years ago, after my uncle passed away.  She and another aunt alternate it now.  I have relatives who live overseas and Skype during these hours so they can have at least the feeling of being home.

If someone is concerned about how others are celebrating the holidays, here's an idea.  Go to your local shelter, and see how families with next to nothing are making do...of course, if you are not turned away.  Help an unfortunate family make memories of their own.  Or stay with your family, if that's what matters to you.  Or go visit your favorite bartender because he lives thousands of miles from his family here.  Whatever it is, do what makes you happy. 

It's Not About The Sales

I've been taking some heat from people about my tradition of hitting the outlets and the malls on Thanksgiving night. It seems some people have a problem with what has become the very popular tradition of holiday shopping on, well, a holiday.

Look, don't get me wrong. There is a part of me that feels bad for those who have to leave their dinner tables and their families to go into work and put in a very stressful and tiring overnight shift. But don't blame ME. Don't tell me that if it wasn't for people like me, stores wouldn't be open. Because guess what? Yes they would! Don't tell me that it's my mentality that makes it possible for stores to pull this off. If you ask me, most people in these retail positions aren't really concerned about working Thanksgiving night. It's not about the holiday. It's working the crazy overnight shift, period, that gets them. 

The thing is, I don't have a big Thanksgiving celebration. It's just my mom and me, and we use this opportunity to spend time together and make memories. For us, it's not even about the sales or the shopping. We have no children to need the season's hottest toys, we already have laptops and televisions and iPhones, and honestly, how much less expensive do we really expect to find that cashmere sweater we've been eyeballing all autumn long?

And if you think about it, how is Thanksgiving different from holidays like Veteran's Day or Memorial Day? Why aren't stores closed on those holidays and why don't I hear anyone bitching about it? Or what about the movie theaters and 7-Eleven stores, or liquor stores and bakeries, pharmacies and supermarkets that are open DURING the day on Thanksgiving? Somebody's working those jobs, right? 

Better yet, how about all the servers and bartenders and DJs who work on New Year's Eve so that the rest of us have somewhere to go? I bet you they'd rather be ringing in the New Year with their own friends and family somewhere other than their place of employment. 

The thing is, these holidays aren't religious ones. They're commercial ones. And while every holiday has different meaning to every person, it's not like the malls are defying some holy tradition by opening on Christmas Day or Easter Sunday. 

Look, I work in the accounting industry. We have our busy seasons, work crazy hours, and don't get to spend time with our families sometimes. It's part of the job we took. If you don't like it, then change careers.

Yes, Thanksgiving is a day to be thankful for your family and friends and to enjoy the time with them. But I am doing that the way I choose to. And I don't think I'm being selfish about it one bit.