Life: Unplugged

I recently joined a micro-blogging/shared interest network called Tumblr. One of the items to interact with the users on this platform is to open yourself up for questions; i.e., what is your favorite food, etc? The question I was asked was "What is your favorite inanimate object?"

To which I replied, "Does my iPhone count?"

I need my iPhone at the ready at all times. For everything! I have my email, my address book, my GPS for when I drive, different apps including Fandango and oh yeah, my phone...Now apparently, when I refill my Starbucks card, I can use the damn phone to not only refill the card, but use as a debit card to purchase my lattes as well. What a world!

The convenience of it is great as I can transfer money from my checking account to my credit card app in one fell swoop, just so I don't get hit with a late fee. Too lazy to hit the ATM the night before? No problem! I can simply link my Starbucks account to refill, and swing my phone over the register to pay for breakfast. Does this take away from the personal experience though of customer service and most importantly, human-to-human interaction?

Years ago, a common complaint would be if you called a customer service hotline (operative word being "service"), it would take forever to reach a human. It was fodder for stand-up comedians the world over. And nowadays, we seem to take the human interaction, or lack thereof, to another level, by adding more apps to our phones to make a simple transaction even simpler by making it not only "express" but "super-duper express."

I can't say that I have a problem with it per se, but I do have a problem with the lack of person-to-person interaction. I guess I was one of those old school "people persons" who would take pride in helping a person find what they needed or talk to them. Back in the day, you could go into your local hardware store, talk to the owner, get what you needed "on credit" and pay when you felt like it. Fuggedaboutit nowadays. You go to Home Depot, you pick up your supplies, go to the "self-service checkout counter," use your Home Depot credit card and then leave with nary a word spoken to personnel (unless, of course, you need to get items that require assistance from their experts).

Don't get me wrong. I am not wistful for days of yore, in fact, I embrace these new technologies. I think when the year 2000 rolled around, we expected to live like the Jetsons, with flying cars and ready-to-eat meals in a pill form so that our time wouldn't be wasted with cooking. Well, we haven't gotten that far...but we have gotten to a point where the most mundane of tasks such as paying bills have been automated to a point that we don't even need to think about it.

But that's not to say that being totally plugged or addicted to our apps or smartphones or even our social networks aren't being a cautionary tale. Sherry Turkle, a professor of social studies at MIT, has written a book called Alone Together that had a review at Fast Company recently. The title in and of itself fascinated me as well as provides a paradoxical situation. The world is brought closer together, but in some areas we still are so far apart.

I have often said that social media has opened doors for many different things for me, personally. I feel like my relationships have gotten better as a result. However, it's not that I don't take those things in stride. I have "connections" and I have "friends." There is a big difference. Turkle takes this to the next level and warns that she doesn't disparage social networking, but she puts "these technologies in their place." She goes on to warn, however, about being too explicitly connected to these social networks:

"...even though you're alone, you get into this situation where you're continually looking for your next message, and to have a sense of approval and validation. You're alone but looking for approval as though you were together--the little red light going off on the BlackBerry to see if you have somebody's validation. I make a statement in the book, that if you don't learn how to be alone, you'll always be lonely, that loneliness is failed solitude. We're raising a generation that has grown up with constant connection, and only knows how to be lonely when not connected. This capacity for generative solitude is very important for the creative process, but if you grow up thinking it's your right and due to be tweeted and retweeted, to have thumbs up on Facebook...we're losing a capacity for autonomy both intellectual and emotional."

It's more than the next generation of millennials or the generation after that is to be warned of this notion but even my generation and the generation prior, because we are getting sucked into this almost antithetical lifestyle of being truly connected, but having a disconnect at the same time of needing that validation. If it doesn't happen in our face, then perhaps we shake it off. We may take it personally if someone doesn't take our friend request or "recommendation." This stuff never bothered in face-to-face contact, as I could handle rejection. Being so connected, it's hard not to take stuff personally. It's just another level in the interaction of human quality.

It seems like Turkle and CoopDeeVille are not the only people pondering these questions. Another book that was published by a woman who disconnected her family from their devices, including smart phones, computers, television, video games, the whole nine called The Winter of our Disconnect serves as a primitive form of the blog in chronicling this. It wasn't just her children, she conducted this "Experiment" as she called it herself (even admitting to sleeping with her iPhone, which I have not done yet, but I have brought it into the bathroom with me on occasion).

I have to say that it would be hard for me to totally disconnect. It's one thing that I have to use a computer to work. I guess that could be a dispensation since everyone is "wired" in the office setting. On the other hand, Susan Maushart (the author) said one of her children for homework and research purposes went to (*shock!* *gasp!*) the LIBRARY. Wait a minute...you mean, people still use those? Guess they do serve a purpose somehow. But the topic fascinated me. Could I do that?

Maushart went on to say that "The Experiment" was "relinquishing the ostrichlike delusion that burying my head in information and entertainment from home was just as good as actually being there." I thought that was interesting. It called into question strengthening the relationships in reality and not be as plugged as we are. What a concept.

So as I reach for my phone to check into Foursquare and to pay for my Starbucks skinny vanilla latte while listening to U2 on my iPod, perhaps I should at least say hello to the cashier who is nice enough to ring me up. After all, I wouldn't want to seem disengaged or anything.

Facebook Etiquette, According To Dee

I know I'm going to end up ruffling some feathers with this one, but there are just some things people need to learn if they plan on keeping their heads above water in the Facebook community.

And so, I give you the official Facebook Etiquette, Dee-style.

Rule #1 - You don't have to "like" every one of my statuses, comment on every one of my statuses, or "like" every comment on my statuses.  I know I've griped about lack of interaction on Facebook, but too much of one thing is not good either.  Everything in moderation.  While I want to interact with you, that doesn't mean I want to see you all up in my business every second of the day.  That's just weird.

Rule #2 - Rule #1 goes for my pictures as well, and probably even more so.

Rule #3 - Don't be creeping on my friends list to see who YOU can become friends with. If you don't know them, don't request them!  Oh, and tell YOUR friends the same thing when it comes to requesting me.

Rule #4 - Don't use the "poke" feature.  Seriously, it's pointless (no pun intended).  There are plenty of other ways to tell someone you want to "get in their pants" without letting all of Facebook know. 

Rule #5 - Wish your friends a "Happy Birthday" on their special day.  It's the LEAST you can do.  If you can't even do that, then why be friends?  

Rule #6 - Don't start cursing and mouthing off on a thread where your friend's mother or father (or maybe even grandmother) is involved, unless you know them well enough to know it's acceptable.  I'm not saying you shouldn't be yourself, but have a little respect when you need to.

Rule #7 - For couples only:  Don't use a friend's wall to have it out with each other. Facebook is NOT the place, no less someone else's page!  It causes awkwardness for the friend and kinda puts a damper on the feed.

Now that you know all of this, I ask, how is YOUR social networking etiquette???

Overused Word: Narcissist?

You've probably heard the myth of Narcissus played over and over. It's one of the most recognizable stories in Greek mythology, the one where Narcissus fell in love with the reflection in water. The irony was that he didn't realize it was an image, was afraid to leave the beauty of the image, and subsequently wasted away, dying of thirst as a result.

The lesson taught is that to be so self-consumed can result in "death," not so much the physical finality of death but that it can drive others away and be tough to live up to not only your own expectations, but to others around you.

Usually, when someone is called a "narcissist," it's...well...not considered "complimentary," in my opinion anyway. And yet, the very notion of what we do as individuals straddles a fine line between narcissism and just plain self-promotion. How does one balance that? Or is there one?

With the advent of social media tools, there is certainly a fine line of self-promotion versus interaction. To me, though, it's not so much an area of black and white, but more of that proverbial grey-shaded area where two circles interject. Bruce Reyes-Chen from the San Francisco Chronicle suggests that while social media puts the whole narcissism thing out there, he could argue that all communication (even old-fashioned phone calls, email marketing, face-to-face meetings even) can theoretically promote some agenda, right? I know when I meet people for marketing one-on-ones, there's always an underlying agenda there. We may generally enjoy each others company, have great conversation but at the end of the day, there's a deal that's brokered. Isn't that, by nature, a narcissistic promotion of one's agenda? I guess if one considers "putting food on the table" narcissistic, then perhaps. Reyes-Chow even suggests that the community in electronic forms is no different than say, family gatherings, religious houses and even knitting groups. However, he also writes, there is a fine line about the ugliness of a look-at-me-me-me community.

Narcissism is a topic du jour. The New York Times suggested to do away with several layers of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder as a "mental disorder." The article suggests that with the advent of so many people coming into the same forums as truly "narcissistic" personalities are, that their biggest fear might be realized: they will be ignored.

In response to this article, Jason Brand from the Huffington Post suggests that to do away with the term "Narcisstic Personality Disorder" in this day and age is bad timing especially in the Digital Age. I suppose that the idea behind that thinking is that for years and years, we've been promoting "self interest" and self "health and wellness" by thinking highly of ourselves, in a better effort to treat others around us. Brand suggests there is a healthy amount of narcissism out there, but it's tough to figure out. To me, the idea of it is contradictory. We've been promoting a high-level of self-esteem and to have a high opinion of ourselves. The idea was to carry that feeling over to others, to gain a better understanding of fellow man.

However, the biggest argument to me, in removing this title, is that deeply rooted Narcissistic Personality Disorder lacks empathy, is cruel and snarky but to be simply "self-absorbed" -- a very notion promoted by Millennial parents world over -- does not qualify one to be "Narcisstic." I can see the dilemma by wanting to put a label on it...but are Narcissists truly a danger to their community? They may be annoying, but then again, I'm sure we've all been guilty of it at times ourselves.

Meghan Daum at the Los Angeles Times wanted to take it a step further, and even said that the term "narcissist" itself is overused, and therefore rendered meaningless.

I'm going to have to go ahead and sort-of disagree there. See, I say "so-and-so is a narcissist" or "that's some narcissistic behavior" (which believe me, I do tend to interject that in a conversation every now and then), chances are...you're gonna know what I'm talking about. And I can emphasize it's not a good thing.

If someone is going to try to put food on the table, make their mark in some kind of community...what would rather have: a person who is negative about themselves who brings everyone down? Or someone who might have a high opinion of themselves and tries to engage people?

Maybe they can be sad, or perhaps a little out of touch. But trust me, Daum is off the mark here: narcissism, the term, isn't all that lost in today's Digital generation. You're gonna know what someone means when they say it. End of story!

The "Me" Relationship

"If you can't love yourself...how in the hell can you love somebody else?" - RuPaul Charles

Relationship [rɪˈleɪʃənʃɪp] n:

1. The condition or fact of being related; connection or association.

2. Connection by blood or marriage; kinship.

3. A particular type of connection existing between people related to or having dealings with each other: has a close relationship with his siblings.

4. A romantic or sexual involvement.
~ Merriam-Webster Dictionary

When one is in a relationship with a significant other, shouldn't it be considered antithetical to the very notion of a relationship to have it self-centered?

That's what Tara Parker-Pope's argued in her Sustainable Love column in the New York Times titled "The Happy Marriage is the 'Me' Marriage." And the idea of having a more self-centered you in a relationship seemingly made it more enlightening and satisfying for all parties involved, and not, as Parker-Pope suggests, by putting the relationship first.

I suppose if you think about it, it kind of makes sense. After all, my generation hears so many sob stories about previous generations' marriages staying together for various outside reasons, third parties including children, religious beliefs, money, whatever applies to your personal relationship. What kind of message does that send to the third parties though, the children who see you stay married even if you yourself are not fulfilled; people in your religious circles who pray for you, but do not live with you; trappings are more important than being happy. Et cetera, et cetera. At least now it seems like the current generation has the wherewithal to be in relationships that are fulfilling together and to the self. That above all is important.

For years, people have told me that marriage is about "compromise," and I don't deny that much is true. What I can say is there is a lot to be said about a couple that is comfortable within itself that the individual that makes up the sum-of-the-parts still has outside interests, or better yet shares these interests with their significant other.

For years, I'd been trying to find that delicate balance. I was in a long-term relationship that it seemed like I had to do a lot of changing of my ways, while I allowed him a lot of freedom to do what he wanted. Was it any surprise that we didn't last? It would be one thing if we liked going to the same places, or doing the same things, but the reality was that we stayed together for a lot of wrong reasons...those "third parties" if you will.

One thing I can say about being married is that it's nothing like I had expected. There is compromise for sure, but compromise in a good way. It's understanding but it's also one that when I wake up in the morning, I am often anticipating what the universe has in store for us. But us as an entity that can act separately. I can go to dinner with friends, he can go bike riding. At the end of the day, when we go to bed, we are fulfilled with ourselves and our outside interests, and we appreciate that individuality enough to be able to stand in solidarity.

I took a Sustainable Marriage Quiz in the NYT as well, based on this article, and I am happy to say I scored on the highly expansive side. A highly expansive relationship can evolve and still stand to grow and doesn't stay stagnant. This is important for all vital interests in a relationship to take care of your brain and be able to contribute to the relationship. We are figuring out that there is a big "What's-in-it-for-me" situation going on with marriage these days. Maybe that's what we needed.

Get Your Groupon!

I first heard about group-buying platform Groupon early in 2010, when someone asked me to do some research on it at the company I worked for at the time. That day specifically had a deal for a spa massage for like 75% off. I wondered what the catch was at first, but then I figured, why not? If I lose out on $30, it's only $30 (of course, tell me that when I lost my job a few weeks later...then again, I needed that damn massage).

Groupon is the newest technology darling in the smartphone app/social networking, although it's been around for a few years. It's exactly as it sounds: it provides coupons for groups, essentially, with the power of group purchasing. Let's say that a restaurant is offering $30 worth of food for $15. You and a bunch of people "buy into" the deal, and then show your Groupon at said restaurant (by printing out the voucher or simply showing your phone to the server) et voila! Competing websites include Living Social, Bloomspot, and KGB Deals.

Warning: Groupon can be habit forming. In my quest to be active but not be tied down to any one gym, I have been purchasing Groupons, Living Socials and KGB Deals for abbreviated gym memberships, training and boot camp (yikes!). I am having trouble keeping track of how many I have.

Groupon recently turned down a very lucrative offer from powerhouse Google, for $6 billion! One must wonder what their long-term plans include, potentially going public, but for the time being felt they were being undervalued...UNDERVALUED!...by Google's offer. Within a month's time, however, they received an injection of financing valuing them at $1 billion from Kleiner Perkins. Other financiers Greylock Partners (which include the dudes who run career website LinkedIn) wrote a glowing review as to why they invested in Groupon.

At the root of it all, not only in the power of the group buying mechanism, is the power of the group data. I don't think it takes a genius to realize that mostly women are going to purchase bikini wax groupons, and maybe men will buy rock climbing groupons (though to be honest, I know some women who will do that).

It ties into the whole privacy issue once again. Although Groupon, Living Social and their investors aren't doing anything that hasn't been done in a more clandestine manner. Back in the day, supermarkets started dispensing "club cards" to give you savings on their sale items, but used that data to track what was being sold in bulk, and to negotiate with distributors to sell at a lower price. This data is incredibly powerful and valuable (take it from me -- I worked with research departments for several years).

I find it funny that Groupon and Living Social are targeting the New Years Resolutioners with nutrition, wellness and fitness deals. I mean, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to realize that people are going to commit to going to the gym. But to me, it's a win-win. While places like New York Sports Club are going to lower their initiation fee to $1.11 to lock you in for a year, Groupon and Living Social are giving as close to a non-commitment guarantee to go the gym...

Of course, that's not to discount what the vendors are getting out of it. They are getting foot traffic, referrals and potential new business. I am almost dreading the subsequent sales pitch I am going to get at these places once my Groupon is up. I have a hard time saying no, I mean how can one say no to fitness? Then again, I figure I am covered until July or August of this year with fitness deals, and by then, there may be more.

Groupon is a company to certainly keep your eye on, but hopefully they don't get too big for their britches...and we can still get cheap spa treatments, gym memberships and happy hours for our enjoyment.

My Biggest [Facebook] Pet Peeve

I can NOT pass up this opportunity.  Who knows when it will come along again.  A chance to call out people for their misuse of Facebook.

Now it all makes sense why some Facebook relationships are so one-sided.

My entire News Feed is full of comments posted "via iPhone", "via Android", or via some other mobile phone application.  I especially like the "via text" and "via email" ones.  What is that all about???

I love these people.  Well, the ones who only post status updates on their phones, but never bother to read their News Feed.  They want to share THEIR stories with the Facebook world, but never take an interest IN the Facebook world.  And then they wonder why they miss things.  Don't you get it?  Don't you know how all this is supposed to work?

Look, it would be nice to see some feedback from you.  You know, a comment or a "like" every now and then.  Ooooh, here's an idea!  How about signing on to a computer once on a while?  Which brings me to my next point ...

Has the use of Facebook Mobile and apps of the like ruined the Facebook experience?  I think, perhaps.  If the only way to access the networking site was the traditional way -- on a computer or mobile web -- we might just see more quality content, and definitely more reciprocation (<----- there's my favorite word again!).

I know in today's world everything is rush-rush.  We just barely squeeze in a status update before having to get back to work.  But come on, if you're not going to use it correctly then don't use it at all!

How Do I Love Facebook? Let Me Count The Ways

I read somewhere that Facebook has become the new Myspace.  Well, if Myspace is the new booty call and Facebook is the new Myspace, then what could we conclude here?

A recent study revealed that approximately 40 million people changed their Facebook status from "In a Relationship" to "Single" in 2010.  Only about 28 million changed their status from "Single" to "In a Relationship".  It may have nothing to do with Facebook, but I believe that some networking sites (and I use the word "networking" loosely) make it so much easier for people to have inappropriate relationships outside their "committed" ones.  The personal exposure is unlimited and to some, a real ego-booster -- making it easy to stray.

Girls love the attention they get from guys when they post sexy pics of themselves, and guys love looking at them.  It's one thing to be attractive and receive compliments, but when the lines are crossed, you tend to back away from those habits -- and the people who encourage them. After a while, you realize that the negativity you generate far outweighs the compliments.

I sincerely believe that just like Myspace, Facebook is no longer what it was intended to be.  At least for me it isn't. I guess to some degree, just like life, Facebook is what you make of it.  You can't get more out of it than what you put into it.  However, and I could be wrong but, despite its recently announced $50 billion worth, and all the privacy and security settings and features that come with it, I think Facebook is going to see some big changes in 2011, and I don't mean on their part. 

More and more Facebook users will be cautious when it comes to putting their lives out there for everyone to see.  In other words, private will become the new social. They will start by choosing their friends and their statuses more carefully.  Either that, or they will use the site less frequently or even shut it down totally.  There are moments where, if not for my blogging, I would consider deactivating my account altogether. 

So one could argue that if I feel this way then why even have Facebook at all?  I've thought about it and that is definitely a valid point.  However, why can't I still enjoy all that Facebook as to offer and share my life with the people that I choose to remain in touch with?  Facebook can reach all of my friends at once, in one organized and convenient place.  Can't do that on a cell phone.

It all comes down to one thing: What am I looking to get out of Facebook?  What do I really want?

Maybe I have gotten all I am going to out of it.  Maybe it has served its purpose for me.  Maybe Facebook just isn't enough for me anymore.  The thing is, the list of people we are "connected" to on Facebook is called "Friends".  But as I scroll through my list, I wonder how many people really are "friends"?  They are acquaintances, and honestly, I'm not looking for more acquaintances.  The networking aspect of it is nice, but that's as far as it goes for me lately.

And so, we enter cleansing mode.  And it usually starts with a new year.

For some, it's a time to get rid of dead weight - those who just take up space on our news feed, whom we couldn't care less about and who don't care what we have to share either.  We don't interact with these people, and if we do, there's no reciprocation.  For others, it's a time to get rid of the creepers and stalkers and nosy/busy-bodies.  Who needs people who only gawk at our pics, are jealous of our accomplishments or take pleasure in our pain?  For others, they may just not want to see things they don't want to see.  You know the old expression, what you don't know won't hurt you.  And still for others, it's a time to realize who our real friends are, as opposed to just "online" friends - those we probably would never go out of our way in real life to meet and/or spend time with.  Not that these people aren't nice and don't deserve a fair deal, but honestly, we can barely spare the time these days for our real friends and family.

But Dee, isn't that the beauty of Facebook?  To be able to maintain relationships that you normally wouldn't be able to?

I'm sorry, but I just don't feel the need to be connected to people I don't associate with outside of Facebook.  I know Facebook is supposed to help you stay connected to those people, but if I need a networking tool to help me do that, then what kind of relationship really is it that I am trying to hold on to?  Look, it's nothing personal.  The people I have chosen to remove myself from -- and there are many -- didn't necessarily do anything wrong.  In fact, I may end up regretting some of my decisions.  But this is just something I feel the need to do.  Just because I "know" you, or am in your company once a year at a mutual friend's function, doesn't mean I have to be connected to you on Facebook.

All that being said, there are still going to be the people who don't care who they are friends with and what they share with them.  Someone, somewhere, will learn a serious lesson the hard way, and have something they posted come back and bite them in the ass. But for now, it's the "so-what" attitude and, unfortunately, a popularity contest.  I could easily have anywhere from 600-800 "friends", between former schoolmates, former co-workers, distant relatives and those I've met throughout the sports/blogging community.  But I am down to literally a handful of people (and believe me, there are more I wish to delete, but some people you just can't) who I would consider a part of my real-world life, not just my online one.  People I knew BEFORE Facebook, and will continue to know even after, should that time come.  I don't want to have to rely on something in the virtual world, to help me live out my life in the real world. Quite honestly, that goes for texting and Kik messaging as well, but that's on a much smaller scale, and a whole other post that I am not quite ready to entertain.........

All I Really Need To Know I Learned...on Facebook

Several movements are born of simplicity. Take for instance, The Secret, a book based on the timeless advice and sage wisdom of the Law of Attraction. Essentially, what you give is what you get. Advice books such Chicken Soup for the Soul and All I Really Need to Know, I Learned in Kindergarden really hit the whole "K-I-S-S" principle home (Keep It Simple, Stupid) in the business of self-improvement.

Facebook is neither an advice book nor self-improvement manual (discuss!), but it is a growing phenomenon that everyone is "doing." In the '70s, people were "ESTing." Perhaps you had a Tony Robbins cassette tape in your boom box in the '80s. You get my drift, I'm sure. If there's a mob mentality for something, you can talk in colloquialisms and everyone will get what you mean. The terms "Friending" and "Delete" and "Posts" are so commonplace, that even the rare bird who doesn't have a Facebook account (like my mom) will understand what you mean.

Yet one that resonated with me on life lessons was the whole All I Really Need To Know idea. When we were in kindergarden, life was so uncomplicated. We understood the value of a good nap and playtime, tapping into our creativity and taking a snack break (especially on someone's birthday, when their mom would make cupcakes for the classroom).

Facebook is a great social experiment for sure, and human behavior qualities really are amplified in this setting. It goes without saying (so I'll say it anyway) that individuals act much different in social settings, or conversely, their "real" behavior is amplified.

So I figured, what am I learning from Facebook that I haven't already learned in my 30+ years of breathing in oxygen, while exhaling carbon dioxide? Actually, nothing I haven't already figured out myself in the "real" world. So in essence, everything I need to know about human nature, I learned by living, but it's also validated on Facebook.

All I Really Need To Know I Learned on Facebook insights:

• Crowd Mentality is a Persuasive Tool

In my freshman year in college, I took two classes: one on sociology and the other on political change and revolution. The two subjects are not entirely different, as both are driven largely by social behavior. In the 1960s, college campuses around the country took part in what was labeled the "counterculture" and started grassroots campaigns to drive social change. That's essentially what Facebook is, but on a virtual and electronic level.

Dee and I are baseball chicks, as an example. We met for our shared interests (namely, our common team) and managed to respect each others opinions on said team while appreciating the differences or even when we've agreed.

Others...not so much. Someone says "My team sucks!" and normally one won't disagree as to not disrupt the balance. Then you try to reason with people, but they are not reasonable people. Hell, they are not even LOGICAL! Generally if people are logical, you can understand that one cannot reason with them, but these are neither that, this or the other.

This can cause fights, strife and competition within the little virtual world you've created. In fact, I've called some "fights" on Facebook (which are truly silly and ridiculous...all you can do is point and laugh at some folks at how seriously they take themselves) political -- it's like liberals and conservatives fighting across the aisle in Congress. Then by the power of persuasion, people will side with one group, and others flock to the other side.

It's human nature, really.

• A Hoarder is a Hoarder is a Hoarder

There is a show on the A&E channel called "Hoarders." I've actually never seen an episode but we all know someone, probably close to us, who could be labeled as such. My grandmother, bless her heart, had a little problem with the Shop Rite can-can sale that was legendary in my family. She'd go out and by like 5 cases of creamed corn. Why? "Because you nevah know when you might need creamed corn."

Well, maybe she had a point, but she'd end up stockpiling enough stuff in her basement to have Cher and cockroaches survive through nuclear holocaust. My point is, there is a LOT of hoarder mentality in Facebook. Like "How many friends do YOU have?" or "How many followers does your 'fan page' have?" Which is another ridiculous item that goes in line with my first point about "crowd mentality." (and yes, please "like" our fan page when you have a chance)

Dee and I go through regular Facebook "cleanses." I think that at one point I had about 500 "friends" on Facebook but I rarely interacted with more than maybe 1/5, potentially 1/4 of the total population. Did I really need to be "friends" with every single person who shared the love of my favorite baseball team, or someone who met me through a "mutual friend?" It depends. Some people want me to play "Mafia Wars" or "FarmVille" with them. Nah, no thanks. Others want to meet up in cities where my team plays or follows/likes my writing. Most of the time, I interact with these people on a face-to-face level. I decided that I had to pare my list because I realized another point below that it's "quality and not quantity" when it comes to one's existence on Facebook.

• Blood Is Thicker Than Water...I Guess
  

This can apply to people you work with or for family. My point is, whoever said you should keep you personal life separate from your professional life was dead on. You can potentially add family to that mix.

It's a cliche to say "You are unique...just like everyone else," but everyone has some kind of homogeneous quality that adheres them to a certain social group. We are however connected to family due to blood lines, and to work folks by a certain umbrella. Either way, my feeling is that on Facebook we are the closest version to our purest selves. Therefore, if you are a vampira blood sucker who shoots boar for sport, chances are you don't want your family or coworkers to know about it. Or maybe you do? Who knows? My point is, there's always a face you present on certain forums. Chances are, you may want to limit your coworkers to exposure on LinkedIn, and your blood sucking vampira club to IWantToSuckYourBlood.com. Not that I would know anything about that. Moving right along...

• It's Quality not Quantity

I have a tight circle of friends, some interact with each other, some do not. That's cool. Most of the time, I have a few people I hang out with regularly, others may live out of the state or not as close as I would like them to, most of all, I know I have great people in my life in small quantities.

That's why I don't understand certain people with thousands of people in their network. Unless they are modestly famous (as a "for instance," I am a big fan of the show RuPaul's Drag Race on LOGO Network, and I am friends with one of the contestants on there - maxed out at 5,000+ friends), I wonder how people can interact or keep track of how many people are in their network. I have found it gives me personally a headache.

That's just my personality, and I know all folks are different. That's what makes the world go 'round and what makes Facebook go 'round, I suppose. However, the motto "It's Quality and not Quantity" would not exist if not for people like me or Dee and countless others I'm sure. To each their own, I suppose which leads me to...

• To Each Their Own

As I said earlier, differences make the world go 'round. Yet, people ridicule each other for differences of opinion, the way they look, even personal beliefs. I think that's a lot of crap. I have my beliefs, social and political views, and I expect you to respect mine, and in turn, I respect yours even if I disagree. Just don't cram your belief system, whatever that may be, down my throat! I consider myself educated enough that I have made informed decisions and that one wouldn't think I was ignorant.

I may disagree with you from time to time, but it doesn't mean I don't respect you. I may even admire you. However, I've had people delete me for really childish reasons. But to each their own. If I was that disposable, chances are they weren't as "close" as I thought they were anyway.

• People Are Easily Amused

I attended a social media event a few months ago, and a technology expert was a keynote speaker to the extent that there was a moderator, and he answered questions honestly. One of the questions asked was about why videos go viral (as an example, but you can apply that to any social medium).

I never watched an episode of American Idol, but I know all about William Hung and that Pants-on-the-ground dude. A guy on Twitter tweeted "Seriously, dude, what the hell is Myrrh?" and it gets a million retweets. Trust me, you had to be there (I'm still laughing about that one) And don't get me started on the YouTube sensation, Antoine Dotson. Think about how slang terms take over the vernacular.

My point is -- it doesn't take much to make us laugh as a society. We may have different types of humor, but the fact is, we all gravitate towards something that makes us laugh together as a community.

Laughter, and love, do indeed make the world go 'round!

• Selling the Drama

On the flip side, Facebook is a breeding ground for drama. Some days, I swear, its activity could rival The Young and the Restless. Perhaps in the Facebook community, we could call it All My Friends or One LIKE to Live or better yet...The Days of our Lives. After all, like the sands of time, drama will permeate any atmosphere, like it or not.

Conversely, drama makes the world go backwards. Yet, some people thrive on it, and that's their journey. In my estimation, though, they are not highly evolved. Go figure.

• Do unto others...
  

I am a spiritual but not religious person. I know in this life, I have to look out for me, but the universe is much bigger than anything I am ever a part of. I have respect for all living things, human, animal, plant. However, what I do believe is transcendent is energy. Perhaps Dave Barry said it best when he said, "A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is NOT a nice person."

That is a great saying and it carries so much on so many levels. If you dislike someone on Facebook, and you don't know them personally, just hit the delete button. Simple as that. If you know someone personally and they piss you off, talk to them. Chances are, this person might not be as nice to the waiter or to you as you may think.

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Did I really need Facebook to teach me these lessons? Not really. I consider myself an observer, a voyeur, of human nature, and I could have figured out these bullet points on my own just by observing folks at a local Starbucks, office setting, or even in a public park. We probably see it even in ourselves.

Facebook has made the individual and the collective more powerful than ever, with access to all this human capital. Most of all, it has made the world closer than ever. With great power comes great responsibility. Just keep that iota of information in mind when you are on Facebook next. And take to heart the life lessons we learn each day by logging in.

Take care of yourselves. And each other.

My "New" Space

MySpace.  A Place For Friends.

I originally joined MySpace in April of 2006.  My best friend IMed me and said, "You have to try this new thing!"  I was like, "Oh no, not a dating site!?!?!"  But I later came to realize what MySpace was.  And now, I realize what MySpace has become.

MySpace started out as a networking tool (shocker!) and a place for people to stay in touch with their families and friends.  The concept was great, but no one thought about what it was REALLY going to turn into.  Somehow though, I knew.

I admit, within a month after joining MySpace, I met a guy who I liked, who actually worked for the same company that I did at the time, and we went out a few times. Nothing ever came out of it, but for me, my first experiences with MySpace resembled those of a dating site.

In November, 2009, I deleted my MySpace account because most of my friends had moved on to Facebook and no one was using MySpace anymore.  However, in the spring of 2010, I was curious to see what changes MySpace had made.  I kept hearing about how it mimicked itself after Facebook, and wanted to see what all the hype was about. So I rejoined, but only for about a month.  Once again, I got nothing out of it, except for messages and friend requests from guys I didn't know.  In these messages, they would tell me how hot I was and how they'd like to meet me.  Like I didn't know what their intentions were.  But they didn't know what kind of girl I was, and whether or not I would take the bait, so they did what they were there to do.  I, on the other hand, deleted my profile.

Now, that's not to say that things like that don't take place on Facebook.  But it was always joked that MySpace is the new "booty call" and Facebook is more family-oriented. I think that's slowly changing as well, but because most people are friends with their family members on Facebook (mainly because I think Facebook is a little more appropriate and user-friendly for the older generations), I don't think it will ever become as bad as MySpace.

Now I hear that MySpace is on the auction block, and looking to lay off 50 percent of their 1,100 employees before this coming spring.  The owner of MySpace (NewsCorp.) confirms that many meetings are scheduled in the upcoming weeks to discuss the fate of the networking site.  But sources indicate that many more lay offs will be necessary to prove to potential investors that the company is on track to be profitable again.

With Facebook hitting one out of the park, MySpace has quickly taken a back seat in the social networking scene.  But here's the thing.  I actually rejoined MySpace, yet again, for the purpose of doing this post, and I have to say that it doesn't look all that bad.  They've made tremendous improvements on the layout and navigation of their site, that one can almost start to wonder if MySpace had done it first, would they still be at the forefront of the social networking scene, rather than Facebook?  The problem is that MySpace got old fast, and when Facebook came on the scene, it was something new and different.  It flowed better and offered more features.  And while MySpace's privacy settings were outstanding since day one, it wasn't enough to keep users entertained.  People started to migrate to Facebook, and now, no matter what MySpace does, it seems it's always a step behind.

I don't plan on keeping my MySpace account this time either.  If I do, it will be totally private and only used for research purposes such as this blog. Unless, of course, MySpace makes a major comeback.  Guess we'll just have to wait and see.

The Great Facebook Experiment: The Prequel

So, Dee and I have made no bones about how we met, which was through shared interests on Facebook. Turns out we had a lot more in common, and now we have a blog in common.

But sometimes, we disagree, as many good friends do from time to time. Luckily, we are able to grow and learn from these experiences as they are not terribly harsh.

Such as a topic we hold near and dear to heart, and that's -- you guessed it -- Facebook.

We were reminiscing the other day about the good ol' days (circa 2006) of MySpace. Then I suggested we write about some of the trivialities of Facebook to make it fun and lighthearted since it's become a place of drama and questionable behavior.

Dee wanted to take a more serious and thoughtful approach. I thought we'd be able to merge our thought processes together, but when we started writing, it took us in different directions. Hey, it happens.

So then what do we do?
Well, we give you double the pleasure, double the fun, as only CoopDeeVille can do!

So in the next day or so, we'll have two posts, one with That's What Dee Said's take on Facebook, the other with a View from the Coop.

So enjoy this two-fer that we have planned. We hope you won't be disappointed and take it in the spirit with which it was intended!