Relationships Resolutions

Once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away, there lived a girl named Coop, who was a self-proclaimed workaholic. At the time, it was a proud title she wore. She figured it was a product of her strong blue-collar work ethic, although she had worked in a decidedly white-collar world. As a result of her ambitions, she worked long hours, but relationships around her started to suffer. She and her long-term boyfriend had broken up -- for the better of course -- but friendships also were strained because they didn't understand how someone could be so devoted to a job that not only sucked the life out of her, but that could be so demanding but hold it over her head that it could be gone like *that* (snap your fingers to get the full effect).

Then the ground beneath her started to quake. In the midst of a poor economy, she lost her job -- the very thing that she felt defined who she was: a successful, urbanite independent woman. However, she took the high road, and started to follow some passions of her own. In those months, she discovered a knack for networking with people who could ultimately have her find her passion and not just a "job," found some contracting work, fell in love with a dog who changed her life, fell in love with a man who committed to her for life, spent more time with family, and developed strong relationships that may or may not have occurred had she remained blinded to just one end goal: validation at work or in her eyes, "success."

I realized one thing was important: family and friendship, and subsequently, those friends who become family. Work could wait. I have my whole life to do that.

When the clock goes from 11:59 pm on December 31st to 12:00 am on January 1st, many of you will commit to change. That could be joining a gym, counting points on Weight Watchers, taking classes, ultimately changing yourself to become a better person.

Dee and I have talked ad nauseum about relationships, virtual, real-life, or those which are virtual that become real-life. However the operative term is relationships, and if you're human, you thrive on them whether you don't think you do. We are social creatures, bound together by shared interests, ideologies, and even our differences to an extent.

The Wall Street Journal Online had an article today on how great relationships should be a resolution for anyone in 2011, whether to create new relationships, better existing ones or giving up selfish behavior in relationships to strengthen common bonds.

Back in 2007, I was a lot like these people. I tended to think poorly of myself, I surrounded myself with negative thinkers, and negativity begats negativity, I don't imagine I was much fun to hang out with. That was kind of the first little earthquake in my life, when a seven-year relationship fell apart, but again, it was for best, now that I look at it. I was at an incredible low part in my life. Yes, my career was still intact, but I had a great void. Most of my relationships were long-distance as friends were married, had children, or lived several states away. Even my family was about two hours driving distance, and it was hard for us to get together.

However, at the time I needed something to ground me, and I found a book, controversial as it was at the time, The Secret. I took to heart the chapters on the power of positive thinking and that your thoughts manifest themselves into the now. So my negativity indeed begat negativity, and I started to do more things to make me happy, thus making me a sunnier person, thus attracting more of that element. It's funny, but the dang thing worked. I started to socialize more, and even though I was still very goal and career-oriented, many of my new circles were parts of my hobbies (such as following my favorite baseball team), music (enabling me to go to more concerts and discovering new bands) and even things I didn't know I liked (such as new television shows, which I never watched much of in the past).

My point is, many of the people profiled in the article have people who love them for them, and they have character flaws that can be tough to deal with. Whether they choose to read The Secret or get involved in their faith or find something outside of themselves that can make them happy, then perhaps that positive energy can manifest into compromise in these relationships.

Relationships are about compromise. But as Carrie Bradshaw famously said in Sex and the City, if you can love someone who loves the version of you you love, then that's just fabulous.

But be sure to give some of that sugar back to the other party.

When you want to better yourself, you should definitely do it for you, but also keep in mind that there are people who love you for being you, and become a better person for that inspiration.

Here are some ways to engage that behavior...

Reach out to that person you think you click with. Who knows? You might just start a blog with them...

Don't sweat the small stuff. I hate that cliched term, but it does ring true in most if not all instances. I had a friend once upon a time who said when the going got particularly tough, that if he was still breathing, it couldn't be all that bad, now could it?

Life is a two-way street. You give, you get. It's all good.

Be ballsy. Shyness is not an option. Reach out to that neighbor you hold the door for. You might have something in common with him or her. One of the stories that stood out in that WSJ article was about the next door neighbors who would speak occasionally but it was a surface relationship, only to find they had more in common than just their address. You never know what is out there unless you open your heart.

Go ahead, honey! Take that chance!! Remember that old song from Girl Scouts?

Make new friends But keep the old One is silver And the other, gold

This will probably be my last post on CoopDeeVille for 2010, so I will see y'all next year.

PEACE BE WITH YOU!