My Own Personal Festivus

I was never a huge Seinfeld fan.  In fact, any time it's on, I kind of roll my eyes, because everyone in my family was a big fan.  Including my husband, whom I clearly never met until the show was long off the air.

I can't deny its impact on pop culture though.  There are several lines that I can identify when people say them.  I don't think most of them are that funny, but I do know them.

One idea I can get behind from that show was Festivus - it was coined by the character played by Jerry Stiller (Mr. Costanza), who claimed he created the holiday as a secular celebration for "the rest of us."  The date occurred two days before the actual date of when Christmas is celebrated.  Yet, a large part of the "celebration" has to air the grievances of others.

Now, I get the idea that airing your grievances of past wrongs during a year sounds funny on paper, but airing your grievances to your family and friends?  What's the point in that?  Wouldn't a more productive thing to do be to tell your family and friends and loved ones how much they've meant to you, or how much they've helped you in the year?

I suppose for television though, it wouldn't be very funny to be all sappy and touchy-feely. 

But then I started to think about myself.  And the whole idea that when you point out someone's wrongs, that two fingers point back at you. 

I doubt there has been another year that I have been more disappointed in myself than in 2012.  And as I celebrated my something-th birthday yesterday, I figure I can do my own personal Festivus - my airing of grievances...on myself.

1) I watch entirely too much television.  And I don't even like much of what's on TV!  My husband is a Walking Dead fan, and I mostly just watch it to make fun of the stupid people on there.  Desperate Housewives was the only show I watched regularly, and that jumped the shark a long time ago, and went off the air several months ago.  That said, when we moved over the summer, we invested in FiOS, which gave us some free premium channels.  How many movies have I watched in lieu of reading books and/or writing?

2) I don't write enough.  I don't read enough.  See above.  When I had more free time and started working from home, I really thought - Wow!  I'll have time to sit down and write.  I didn't make time.  And then I start to look at either as a chore.  I wonder if burn out might have something to do with it.

3)  I hate that I let the marathon training rule my life for a better part of a year.  A marathon, by the way, that never happened. 

4) I'm not grateful enough.  My friend Shelley often tells me to "Look at what you DO have."  Of course, I look at what I really do have...and that's a whole lotta nothin'.  I had to leave my great apartment that I lived in for 3 1/2 years to downsize because I lost my job in 2011.  I resent where I live.  You see though? I have a roof over my head.  I should be grateful for that, no?  Of course, I'm not.  I come home to a place I resent most days.  That needs to change.

5)  I'm not a good multitasker.  See #3 above, where I let a marathon training rule my life for the better part of a year.  NEVER.  AGAIN.

6)  I should learn that I can't trust myself to get up without an alarm.  Otherwise I'd sleep till 10 am every day.  Although I work for myself, that's acceptable, sometimes.  But it's not a good habit otherwise.

7)  I hate that I'm in denial about being a businesswoman.  Yes, I go out and make an attempt at creating lives with people.  But the fact that I'm accountable to myself...I'm not really good at that yet.

8) I hate that I'm older, and I have nothing to show for it.  This needs to change, by being more grateful for what I do have. 

I realized that a lot of what I have in life and what I want in life is attainable just by being more grateful.  I try to be, but sometimes it's tough when a few things don't go my way.

I think at the end of the day, Frank Costanza might have had something when he came up with Festivus for the rest of us.  Instead of overcommercializing a season that just so happens to coincide with a time of the year things will start flying off the shelves, but airing with grievances to others isn't a nice thing to do.  I feel like what I've learned in business this year is that the only thing that can happen at the end of the day is accountability to yourself.  That's what airing of grievances with yourself is about right?  Being accountable, keeping yourself in check?

I hope so.  Otherwise, I just wasted a lot of time.