Ill Communication

When I worked in data management, there were terms such as "dynamic" and "static" to explain data sets.  We can almost use the terms to discuss friendships or any sort of relationship.  Heck, even personality types!

But let me ask a question: would you rather be a "dynamic" person?  Or a "static" person?  Meaning, would you like to adapt and change to the times...or would you just rather stay the same?

I guess on some levels, we can keep some of key qualities but adapt to the times.  Or constantly rethink a position.  However you want to look at things, we can look at things as being "active" or "passive."

Do you take an "active" approach or a "passive" approach to life?

Which leads me to my ultimate point.  I've noticed that since the "good ol' days" (which basically our only forms of media were of the mass approach like television, radio and movies...not the "social" media layer), people have been convenienced out of being personal.

Remember when you could go to the supermarket and ask your check out girl/guy or courtesy desk professional how their families were?  Even then, there were "lifers" in that industry, so you could build relationships and trust.  Nowadays, how many of us even chat with the people at the registers of a supermarket...let alone GO to one, since many stores are outfitted with "self" checkouts.  Even my coblogger and I were talking about how she uses a "gun" to scan her items, then just needs to bag her items and pay when she's all set (think of it as killing two birds with one stone).

Yet I think these conveniences for our busy lifestyles have infiltrated our personal lives.  We have seemingly dozens of ways to communicate.  Besides Ma Bell, there are even seemingly antiquated methods like "chat" or "messenger," but if you own a smartphone, there's texting, Kik'ing, Tweeting, and even emailing.

And there's Facebook. 

I've been on a Facebook cleanse since February.  There was no "over the edge" kind of moment.  In fact, I had just responded to someone in a message.  There wasn't an event or any major argument that set me off.  It just...felt like I needed to do it.

But I also had a revelation as I went off, and people started to ask me when I would return.

I'm not sure if I need to.  I feel as though I have a clear idea of what's going on with the people I care about.  I have kept my Twitter feed active, and there's some overlap there.  I am even Instagramming photos. 

But there's something else.  I felt as though I was being a passive friend.  And I think our culture of being convenienced out of being personal has allowed this to be "okay."

It's easy to drop a note on someone's wall to say "Hey, thinkin' boutcha" or "Happy birthday!"  Our culture has made it easy to never pick up a phone.  Even writing a letter or a written notes of thanks is foreign.

My friend has written a book on Table Manners, and how to integrate this into raising the next generation who will be pointing, clicking, gaming and no doubt texting at a very young age.  My fear for the next generation is that there will be NO ONE who chats or communicates by talking anymore.  In fact, think of how many families eat dinner at night and are attached to their smartphones.  I'm just as guilty.  I'll be at lunch and have my phone at the ready while talking to a guest.  Shouldn't my attention be focused on ONE person, the one I'm eating lunch with?

 Lastly, we live in a culture where calling someone to say hello is almost unheard of.  Just this past week, I decided to reach out the old fashioned way to talk to people.  I reached out to three friends, and even called someone who had a birthday.  Ironically, I wouldn't have known it was his birthday four years ago, when we reconnected on Twitter.

The sound on his voice was surprised...yet he was laughing because he said, "Man, I was just telling a story that I think you would appreciate!"  And he proceeded to tell me.  Now, maybe if I had reached out on Facebook, he might have told that story.  But the phone call was straight, sweet, to the point.

Shortly after my Facebook hiatus, I visited some friends down by where I grew up.  It forced me out of my comfort zone. I was able to make plans in person.  This is what I mean by being a less passive friend.  It's something that the technology driven environment has allowed us to do.

Think about how many people you know "online" whom you'll never ever meet in person.  Think about those you have meaningful relationships with in person, but you feel like you're enough in contact with them that you don't need to check in to see how things are.

Being off Facebook makes me wonder - hey, what's going on with these people?  It makes me be more available, and what I feel to be more of an active friend.

I'd rather be that dynamic person but wants to appreciate some of the simpler things in life.  I can adapt, but I don't want to be in a false sense of security in my relationships.

I want to be an active participant.

Relationship Status: In A Textlationship

That's what they're calling it -- 'textlationships".  Translation?  Relationships via text message.  And we all have them.  And not just romantic ones; we have the strictly friendly ones as well. 

Coop and I have spoken about the lack of human interaction in today's society, and this is just another bit of evidence to support that.

I am a texting whore.  And when I say "text", I mean all forms of conversing with another individual via my mobile device -- text messaging, instant messaging and the new "kik" messaging (similar to BBM, but it works across all wireless platforms simultaneously).

Always on vibrate, my phone rarely leaves my arm's length.  I can't miss that important text from you-know-who.  And I can't miss that important "kik" from Coop about our next blog post! 

But are these types of relationships healthy?  Are they even real?

Well, they're real in the sense that they do exist and we are communicating with others, although I'm not sure how healthy they are for us.  If you already know the person pre-texting era, it's not so imperative.  However, this type of communication can be both beneficial and harmful when meeting and interacting with new people. 

You can get learn a lot about a person through a text conversation, both good and bad.  For example, some people have this unprecedented sense of confidence behind the 4.3 inch touch screen of their smart phone.  They say things they normally would not have the courage to say to someone's face.  Whether it be a naughty, flirtacious comment or a mean and sarcastic one, they become someone they might not be if not for the security blanket of the text message. 

During a "textlationship" you are basically writing your own little screenplay between yourself and the other person.  You have time to sit and think before responding and can stear an entire scenario exactly the way you want it to go.  So not only can getting to know someone this way be extremely misleading, but it can be very disappointing as well.  You sort of create an image of someone in your mind based on your interaction with them over text.  But exactly how close to reality is that image?  You can't read their body language or look into their eyes to see how sincere they are.

So if the person ends up being fake, is so too the relationship?

No wonder it's so hard to date these days!